Parenting Style: Is There a "Best" One?

Parenting is easily one of the toughest jobs out there. It asks for everything—your time, energy, patience, heart, and soul. But like most things in life, the effort pays off big-time. The love, growth, and connection you get back? Totally worth it.

You’d think after thousands of years of raising tiny humans, we’d have nailed down the perfect way to do it by now. Spoiler: we haven’t. But the good news? We’re learning more all the time.

Over the past few decades, parenting has become a hot topic for researchers. Psychologists and sociologists have been digging into different approaches and how they actually play out in the real world. And while there are tons of variations, most parenting styles tend to fall into one of three main categories: Authoritarian, Permissive, and Authoritative.

Let’s break these down.

Authoritarian: “Because I Said So”

This style is all about rules, structure, and consequences. Think drill sergeant vibes. Parents who lean this way tend to focus more on obedience than on connection. It’s a lot of “Do it because I said so” and not much room for discussion.

Kids raised in this environment usually know the rules inside and out—but they might not feel super emotionally connected to their parents. There’s a sense of order, but not always a lot of warmth.

Permissive: “Let’s Just Be Friends”

On the flip side, permissive parenting is all about the relationship—sometimes at the expense of structure. These parents are the softies. They want to avoid conflict, don’t love saying “no,” and often try to protect their kids from any kind of discomfort.

You’ll find the helicopter and overly enabling types in this camp. Discipline is rare, boundaries are loose, and the vibe is usually “gentle parenting” taken to the extreme.

Authoritative: The Sweet Spot

Authoritative parenting strikes a balance between the two. It mixes structure and support, rules and warmth. These parents set clear expectations but also take time to listen, explain, and stay connected to their kids emotionally.

It’s flexible, not rigid—more like a sturdy tree that can bend in the wind without breaking. Depending on the situation, sometimes the rules take priority, and other times the relationship does.

Kids raised in this style tend to feel both safe and heard. They know the rules, but they also know they can talk about stuff without getting shut down.

So, Where Do You Land on the Parenting Styles Spectrum?

Be honest—do you lean more toward strict or soft? Most of us naturally fall somewhere off-center. I haven’t met many parents who land perfectly in the middle (even if they think they do). But knowing your natural lean is the first step toward finding better balance.

And it’s worth aiming for that balance.

Here’s what decades of research tell us about how these parenting styles affect kids:

• Authoritarian parenting can lead to kids who second-guess themselves, have trouble expressing emotions, and struggle with emotional regulation.

• Permissive parenting often results in kids who have a tough time setting boundaries, managing emotions, and navigating social situations.

• Authoritative parenting tends to raise confident, emotionally aware kids who do well in school, get along with others, and handle life’s ups and downs with more ease.

  
  

In a world full of extremes, finding the middle ground can be the healthiest path—not just for your kids, but for you too. Parenting doesn’t have to be perfect (spoiler: it won’t be). But being intentional and striving for balance can make all the difference.

Let’s aim for progress, not perfection—and a parenting style that blends structure with heart.